How I will get arrested in the next 12 months

It won't be an act of civil disobedience.

People don't jaywalk in Seattle. They come to intersections with zero cars in sight, see the "Don't Walk" sign, and freeze like Raymond in Rain Man. No movement. Waiting. Then the "Walk" sign comes on and they bustle across the street, likely to be caught on the next block by the menacing orange hand. When I (and other brazen Easterners) choose to ignore the advisory signs, our neighbors look on with a level of disdain usually reserved for kitten-beaters.

Needless to say, there's a reason for this behavior. The police actually issue citations for jaywalking. I'm not making this up. (Note to my mother: this is how safe this city is... the police can focus on ticketing people who cross streets.) So here is the scenario that will lead to my arrest:

1. I come to an empty intersection and cross after looking both ways.
2. A member of the law enforcement community observes this behavior and gives me a citation.
3. I start laughing in their face and thank them for protecting the community from such vile behavior.
   
4. Detecting just a little bit of Eastern-elitist-liberal-city sarcasm the officer hogties me.
5. I continue laughing.
6. I get the Tazer

This is why I carry around the business card of my West Coast legal team, the law offices of Sean, Patrick, and Feeney.