So I was a little surprised when The Neptune Society sent me an interesting solicitation last week. I wasn't familiar with the Neptune Society prior to receiving the mailing, so obviously their marketing is effective. Given Seattle's proximity to water and Neptune being the Roman God of the sea I wondered if there wasn't some sort of nautical adventure awaiting me inside the cream colored envelope.
That's when I noticed their pitch: Free Pre-Paid Cremation! Details Inside!
I was a bit taken aback by the exclamation marks. I mean, yeah, this is part of life, but is it part of life that requires excitement and urgency! Through the mail! Really!
Anyways, they had me at Free, and I opened the letter. Turns out that over 60% of Washingtonians have chosen cremation (!), and the numbers are increasing every year (!). They announced the winner of last months drawingThe Neptune folks even follow the rules of consulting and give me three bullet points as to why so many of my fellow residents are making this decision (simple personal services, cheaper, less environmental impact). The Neptune motto? Simple, Economical and Dignified (!).
The letter goes on into some more detail about why pre-paying is the right way to go (obviously they are not forecasting hyperinflation). But the best part is the small type. Coming from a credit card company this is always true in direct marketing, although we never had anything this good:
Please accept our apologies if this letter has reached you at a time of serious illness or death in your family.
Wow. I mean, that obviously wasn't in the first draft, but you know at some point many years ago their timing proved to be a little bit too good, and that was their response. Ooops, we're sorry if marketing death services turns out to be distasteful. Anyways, I'm taking the risk and not prepaying for my cremation at this point.
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